I'm really into asian looking animals
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
