Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
