I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
