cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
