Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
