if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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