best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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