so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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