We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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