they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
