woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
