I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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