Is it normal to miss your booty call?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
