Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
