i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
