Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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