Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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