Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
