Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
