I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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