think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
