SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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