apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
