it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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