I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
