Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
