I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
