Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
