I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
