Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
