mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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