im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
