Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
