So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
