I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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