You smell like a Billy Joel song
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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