I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
