That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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