how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
