I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
