Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
