Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
