I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Boobs are out for the taking
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
