Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
