i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Help. Why am I so naked?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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