You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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