I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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