wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
