Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
