Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
