Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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