you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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